den riktiga ranten.

Jag tänkte att det kanske kunde vara intressant för er att få en inblick i vad jag håller på med om dagarna. Därför kåpipejstar jag här in en text som jag skrev i läxa tills idag och läste upp för klassen. Förra gången skulle vi skriva alfabetshistorier (=26 meningar som börjar med nästa bokstav i alfabetet, första med a, andra med b och så vidare; därtill skulle en mening vara ett fragment och en bestå av exakt 100 ord). Den här gången gäller det rants. Till nästa gång ska vi skriva apologies. Jag tänkte skriva Ilkka Kanervas.

Kanske är det i alla fall bäst att också tillägga den disclaimer jag lade till innan jag började läsa: "I've used the same subject that I did in the intro-course last semester, and they accused me of being hostile, so keep in mind, people, this is Fiction Writing."

These people can’t do anything right. You’d think that if they know the optical cord to the motherboard is faulty, they could just switch it out, right? Even I could tell them that, and I’m not the one claiming to be an expert on computers. But no, this is America, we don’t deal with foreigners, we don’t help crazy European people with their crazy European computers. We just charge forty dollars to tell them we can’t do anything, that’s what we do. Not that it helps much to have a functioning computer here anyway, of course, this retard of a country is at the absolute bottom of the technological development ladder. You know, you can make internet calls to people in the Israeli desert without problems, you can call the smallest technologically challenged village in Cyprus without problems, but try calling Kansas, USA, and you’ll run into trouble! You know, someone told me about this Californian dude who visited the Finnish countryside and marvelled at the cellphone reception; he lived in Silicon Valley and often lost reception near his house there. In Silicon Valley, for God’s sake! So there you go, America, maybe you should reconsider your opinion about yourself, maybe you’re not the center of the world after all, maybe you actually could learn something from other people! You know, when I first came here, I thought it was just a bunch of stereotypes the whole thing about Americans thinking they’re better than everyone else and not caring about the rest of the world. I really thought they were just stereotypes, but when something like this happens, you can’t help wondering if it isn’t true after all. Well, you know what, America, I have an equation for you: This is the middle of nowhere, Kansas is, that’s what everyone says. Well, if Kansas is the middle of nowhere and Kansas also is the middle of America, that means America is nowhere. Get it, people? America is nowhere, nothing, no one cares about you and your petty little problems. Millions of people die everywhere, everyday, but no one cares if they live in Sudan or Nepal or whatever, but as soon as some American nobody dies, we’re supposed to be all sad and enraged and hold quiet minutes and remember them forever and ever and all that crap. Well, I don’t care, alright? I. Don't. Care.

Reaktionen? Massa skratt och stora applåder. Jag älskar min fiction writing-grupp.